Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The Dungeon Master's Girlfriend

This blog post exists as a way for me to work though a specific and very nerdy sort of anxiety I am currently experiencing – that this weekend I will be leading a game of Dungeons and Dragons for my girlfriend Julia.

This isn’t to complain. By no means do I undervalue the incredible luck and miraculous turn of events that has allows both the statements “I play Dungeons and Dragons” and “I have a girlfriend” to be simultaneously true.

My girl friend is a classy lady – a classy nerdy lady. She is a fiercely beautiful girl who always keeps plenty of extra awesome in her pockets. Her hair regularly changes color based on her whims, her eyes regularly change color based on some strange genetic quirk, and she sports not one, but two enormous, beautiful breasts.

The only stuff in her apartment that doesn’t make you think you fell through a timewarp to 1965 are the things that make you think the timewarp actually led to 1981. She collects lunchboxes of ironic and non-ironic quality, displayed handsomely on a shelf above her kitchen, has 1 book shelf stuffed with all the good books you’ve ever read, 2 book shelves stuffed with 70’s era romantic pulp fiction / celebrity tell-alls, and 6 book shelves stuffed with VHS cassette tapes, arranged by color.

She has a TV that doesn’t work except to play the most amazingly bad cinema ever recorded by humans and/or sci-fi BBC TV series. She can beat the original Bubble Bobble without using a continue, dresses both retro and chic, and manages a revival movie theater in the heart of LA’s coolest district (the orthodox Jewish community off Melrose).

I am, in short, a very lucky man, and a very, very lucky nerd. Given the relentlessly awesome nature of my charming beau it perhaps should not have come as a shock to me when, one Saturday evening, she expressed an interest in playing DnD with me.

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